Relationships

1
by on October 7, 2009 at 1:57 PM

This was stolen from my boy Carter’s post @ http://www.theaveragecarter.com

I’ve been debating on what to write for my next entry for a few days now. And since I didn’t put anything down in writing today’s post is probably going to be an amalgam of ideas.

First I will say that you should go see Whip It. It was a pretty good movie about a girl (Ellen Page) in a small town that’s trying to find out who she is and what she’s made of. It has some funny moments, some girly moments, and is just overall a pretty good movie. The most memorable part of this movie for me was when the girl (Page) was having a conversation with a boy. He had just come back from a band tour and was trying to explain to her about some pictures that she had seen and why he hadn’t called. Her response was short and sweet. “I don’t want to be the girl that has to have you explain why some girl was ….” I’m paraphrasing that, of course, and kind of leaving a little out.

So my thought this week is about how we let people treat us. Notice I said how we let people treat us and not just how they treat us. I know it’s a small semantic argument, but it really is about what we as individuals allow into our lives. I can only speak for myself in saying that I’ve let people treat me in a way other than how I’ve treated them. And I’m sure that we all can say that about some one or some time in our life where we haven’t been completely honest with ourselves about the relationships that we maintain. And we all see it….everywhere.

In the not so reality world of television, we see dysfunctional relationships all the time. We read about celebrity relationships in the tabloids and see dramatic reenactments of dysfunction all the time. We even see it in our personal lives. I see Facebook posts that talk about husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, etc all the time. People talk about what so-an-so did to them and they make it a very public spectacle. I haven’t figured that one out yet. I don’t know if they’re just looking for an outlet, or if they are just trying to embarrass the other person. In any case, it looks like a desperate attempt for attention in a small circle of friends.

But why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow ourselves to maintain potentially harmful relationships with people that don’t deserve it? At some point in our lives we have to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “I don’t want to be the person that you have to explain this to anymore.” I don’t want you to have to explain why you keep money out of your paycheck and away from me (your wife). I don’t want you to have to explain why you are getting texts from x girl or boy and deleting them before you get home. I don’t want you to have to explain why you are in a picture with this girl or boy grinding all over them. If you are having to have a person in your life explain things and make excuses, then chances are…that person doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with you. And this is the same for friendships, dating, marriage, work relationships, etc. They are all different variations of personal relationships that you have with people in your life.

And we all know…that ridding ourselves of these harmful relationships is easier said than done. It took me a long time to get to this point in my life. I went through a lot…and a lot of soul searching. But it is one of the changes that I’m the happiest about. So what do you do? Well, it all starts with you. Only you can decide what you want out of your life and what kind of relationships you want to have. Start by setting goals for yourself and seeing what relationships in your life actually support your goals. Do something you really enjoy and that makes you happy. I’m not talking about quitting your job or anything like that. Take a stress-free day. Hire a baby sitter, go to the beach, go on a hike, leave your phone alone, don’t update your Facebook or Twitter to tell everyone what you’re doing. Just detach yourself from everything and relax. This will give your mind something new to do…something new to think about.

If you want a career change set goals for yourself. Take the classes you need. Update your resume. Make connections with people in the industry. If you want a relationship change, decide what will be the easiest transition. Talk to your friends. Get advice…especially if you’re married. Need a change of friends? Go to church. Go to the library. Try a new sport. Get out and do something different in a new place and meet new people. Like I said, it all starts with you. Your true friends will be there. Your family will be there. The healthy relationships in your life will always be there. They are your foundation and your support, and you should cultivate those relationships as often as possible. Start having the kinds of relationships that you want, on your terms.

I hope everyone has a good week this week. The comment field is open. If you prefer private contact, there is now a contact form page. Thanks for reading.

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1 Comment

  • Dallas

    07/10/2009

    Great read man! AND very good advice! I am (and I know you are too) in school to make something better of myself. Thanks for the uplifting words- today was bloody hell- and it was good to read this post.

    A Friend sent me a quote today “If you don’t go after what you want, you will never have it. If you don’t ask the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you are always in the same place.”

    Thanks man!

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